Most of the time I like to make a nice clean break adhering to a “no contact” and “no getting back together” policy. I’ve learned from experience that this is a necessary move for me to heal my ailing heart and move on.

In time, I am usually content to be “acquaintances with history,” exchanging an email every once in a while or having friendly drinks with the exes that I still respect. But that’s only after time has passed and I’ve removed the rose-colored glasses that I used to gaze at him through.

And, of course, there are the guys that I know I won’t ever see or speak with ever again … those that have committed offenses of the heart too heinous to be forgiven in this lifetime. But it’s not always so black and white. Some people are worth keeping in your life.

After three years of love, friendship, and co-habitation, my relationship with Jeff suddenly unraveled. I called him up while he was on tour in Europe with his band. I had been up all night crying after I received an email from him telling me how much he missed me and I knew that it was time to be honest and do one of the hardest, most dreaded things I would ever have to do. I had been trying to talk myself out of it for days, but I just couldn’t.

“Jeff, I need to talk to you.”

“Oh no, what?” he said. He must have known on some level.

“I have feelings for someone else,” I responded.

“No,” he said, “No.” It was silent.

“Yes,” I said ashamed.

“No,” he said again.

“Yes.” I huddled in the corner of our bedroom realizing for the first time that it would no longer be ours. We cried together on the phone. It was devastating.

After moving all my stuff out and starting my life over — new place, new relationship, new me — I realized that Jeff was like family and I missed him. He knew all my friends, my family, everything about my life, and although I knew we weren’t meant to be together romantically, I was determined to have him in my life as a friend.

Luckily, he felt the same way. Sure, it was rough at first, but in time we were actually able to make our friendship work, which is a testament to the bond we share. How did we do it? There were some guidelines we both followed that made it possible.

Here are six rules for making that awkward transition from lovers to friends.

1. Mourning period: Give each other time to mourn the death of the relationship. The longer you two were together, the longer it will probably take before you are ready for friendship. It could be two months or two years — feel it out. You’ll know when the time is right because both of you will feel ready for it. Let hearts heal and flames fizzle out before hopping on the friendship train. The Frisky: Five sure ways NOT to get over someone

2. Keep it platonic: No sex, no kissing, no hand-holding, no flirting, no monkey business. At any time. Ever. Even after nights of heavy drinking. The Frisky: Why would choose to be rebound girlfriend?

3. Set clear emotional boundaries: Feeling down, having issues, looking to get your emotional needs fulfilled? Don’t go to him. Keep the friendship simple and without too much emotional entanglement. Talk about the things you have in common, shared interests, the things that made you friends during your relationship. The Frisky: Celebrities who’ve dated their bosses

4. Seek out a love life: Meet other dudes. Date other dudes. If you’re pretending to be friends with him as you wait for him to fall in love with you again, then it’s not truly a friendship. Sorry to break it to you. On that note, no need to discuss your burgeoning love life with your ex. Not because you’re trying to spare any feelings, but rather out of respect and decorum. Call me old-fashioned. There may come a point when it’s cool for the two of you to discuss it. If it works for you and there’s no jealousy on either end … be my guest! The Frisky: Would you date a plastic surgeon?

5. No relationship analysis: If possible, avoid analyzing your relationship. Do that with your other friends, your therapist, or your journal. Keep the focus on your friendship instead. If there is some closure you still need and you want to discuss it, wait until you have some distance and perspective and can talk about it without getting too emotional. The Frisky: The rules for trash-talking an ex

6. More than friendly feelings: If you or your ex starts to have more than friendly feelings toward the other, back off and evaluate. Some people do get back together, but you should be very mindful about opening that door again unless you are sure. Also, unrequited love makes for a very bad “friendship.” Duh.

Bobcat and Fawn Find Friendship After Fire (Credit Lisa Mathiasen/ Animal Rescue Team)

A wildfire in Santa Barbara, California last month helped forge some unlikely bonds.  Rescued from the Jesusita Fire, a 3-week old bobcat kitten and 3 day old fawn became fast friends.  The animal rescue in California brought predator and prey together.  But these babies simply took comfort in each other’s company, snuggling under a desk at a dispatch office for hours.

The bobcat and fawn would not normally be placed together, due to regulations, but the rescuers had no choice.  They snagged the bobcat kitten first, finding it dehydrated and near death.  Later, they brought in the fawn and discovered they didn’t have a crate large enough for it.  No matter – the kitten ran right over to the fawn, and the two became fast friends.

Thanks to the tireless dedication of volunteer efforts of the Animal Rescue Team, and the Santa Barbara Wildlife Care Network, these two animals, and many others were rescued from the destructive Jesusita fire.

As noted in an Animal Planet blog post:

“All of these Santa Barbara area animal rescue organizations have put out a national plea for donations because of the overwhelming need for animal food, medicines, and space to house displaced animals. ART currently leases a 1.5-acre plot of land that houses rescued animals in enclosures on the property, which require around-the-clock care, and the organization is desperate to purchase the land. The morning after Di Sieno – along with an insanely cute bobcat cub and fawn photo – appeared on the Ellen Degeneres show – the landowner decided he needed to sell it and she’s concerned for the future of the animals she and her fellow workers just rescued. The WCN also seeks funds for their Oiled and Injured Seabird Rehab Center, and receive no City, State or federal funding. One of their volunteers, Nancy Callahan, runs W.I.L.D.E. Services which focuses on raccoons and opossums, had her home and facility burnt to the ground and must start over from scratch. After rehabilitation, the groups reintroduce rescued animals to the wild.”

Fire season is just starting, and with drought conditions in Southern California, there could be more wildfires in the coming months.  If you’d like to make a donation to help the animal rescue organizations, follow the links above to the non-profits’ websites.  Bobcat and fawn thank you!